Of all the things we love about The Vampire Diaries probably the things we love MOST are definitely scenes where pregnant ladies get stabbed in the stomach with hunting knives on their wedding days. You know? Who doesn’t love scenes where pregnant ladies get stabbed in the stomach with hunting knives on their wedding days? Those are definitely crowd-pleasing moments, always. They are the kinds of scenes that cause all 25 people in attendance at your TVD living room viewing party to jump up and high five. “Did you SEE that pregnant lady get stabbed in the stomach with a hunting knife on her wedding day, bro??” “You know it, son!” Tons of high fives and chest bumps and meanwhile some lady does a cartwheel onto the wall where she then twerks in celebration. That’s because scenes with pregnant ladies getting stabbed in the stomach with hunting knives on their wedding days are the visual equivalent of JOCK JAMS. They just get the crowd GOING.
Just kidding, I do not care for scenes like that if we’re being honest! Because ouch. Ouch & dang. But this is The Vampire Diaries and we have all agreed to watch this thing even though its very premise is bad-things-happen-to-good-people. Outside of Mystic Falls there is a mass grave full of undeservingly brutalized guest stars. We all know this show is capable of horrible things and that it frequently has a total boner for ruining our week, so we can’t look at a scene like the one at the end of “I’ll Wed You in the Golden Summertime” and be TOO shocked. Repulsed and saddened yes, but what were we expecting? It was a season-ending WEDDING for Jah’s sake. We all knew that wedding dress wasn’t gonna stay white.
Aside from the trauma inflicted upon us by this episode, it was a very good episode! Alternating between quiet, meaningful moments and big, suspenseful ones, it was also noticeably more hilarious and clever than usual, and perfectly set up what promises to be the most important season finale in the show’s history. Let’s talk about this bruiser!
It all started peacefully enough, with Bonnie getting some much-needed Z’s where she could finally be free of danger and she could spend more time with her #1 most loved ones a.k.a Snickers bars. But Bonnie was not safe even in dreams!
First Lily showed up and left Bonnie with no choice but to stab her with a fire poker. Then when Bonnie ran out of her dorm room look who was waiting in the hallway:
Kai! What you doing here, boo? Just kidding, it was all just a dream, of course.
I am very against dream sequence cold opens (on account of them asking us to become invested in situations without logic or stakes), but at least this one functioned as a bad omen for what was to come. Even Matt would later say that when Bonnie has a bad dream it means the Grim Reaper is on the way, so it added to the creeping vibe that this episode would not end well. Also, has Kai been doing push-ups?
Meanwhile Jo was getting ready for her wedding by freaking out all over the place. Bonnie was trying to operate a steam cleaner and meanwhile Elena was celebrating her new humanity by getting so drunk immediately and ASAP.
But then just when it looked like the wedding planner was dropping out due to having the flu (but let’s be real, she was probably murdered), guess who showed up to take the reins?
Caroline was back! She’d taken a few days to be sad and feel guilty about all the things she’d done when her humanity was switched off. But then she got wind that there was a wedding to run so she was BACK. I honestly felt so relieved and warm-hearted when I saw regular Caroline again, how about you?
Caroline did her best to apologize to everyone, but it felt like most people were past it already.
I enjoyed a few of these small moments when Elena would describe how much better she felt being human again. Remember that most of Season 4 was about Elena’s transition to vampire, so it seems like maybe the reverse transition is something to explore as well. But really it just came down to the fact that Elena could get drunk faster now, and more importantly, the fact that she was mortal and can now experience injury makes everything higher stakes and therefore more meaningful. That is actually a very eloquent explanation for the benefits of humanity. Personally I can’t even sleep without somehow hurting myself, so I would really miss that ultra fast healing. But I guess as long as Elena has a vampire boyfriend he’s like a walking medicine bag, right? Oh but wait, it was still up in the air about whether Damon would become human or not. Hold that thought.
Tyler got a couple of good scenes in this episode, but they were all pretty much the same thing. He was mad at his exes!
Aw, hey Liv! Liv was back to attend Jo’s wedding (but NOT be a bridesmaid) and she had a fantastic new haircut. Sorry Liv haters, but I still really like her and I for sure took her side in this argument with Tyler. He has a history of major dickery that people constantly forgive him for and I felt like her actions were justified when she broke his neck and tried to kill herself. So it was pretty lame when he was still mad at her. Anyway, I love Liv. She’ll probably get murdered next week.
Bonnie was still having bad feelings from her nightmare, so she went to go check out the Lily Salvatore situation in the basement dungeon.
Lily was still in the dungeon and she was still mad about it!
This made me laugh so hard:
The picture quality isn’t great, but those two banners say “Mystic Falls Business District”. SURE. Mystic Falls doesn’t have stores, it doesn’t have businesses, and it for sure doesn’t have districts. Don’t pee on my shoe and tell me it’s a business district. The #1 thing anybody buys in Mystic Falls is caskets and they still probably just drive to the Costco two towns over.
But I did like this moment between Bonnie and Matt wherein she described her bad dream and he immediately snapped into vampire-killing action. There’s something kind of powerful about a friend who doesn’t need you to explain something twice. Bad dream? Here is my duffel bag full of weaponry, let’s go.
Elena couldn’t stop drinking. And honestly, who could blame her?
Then Jo decided to hit her head on the piano and fall down. NOW who’s the drunk one? Just kidding, Jo was not drunk, she was pregnant with twins and this show would NEVER endanger the unborn. Anyway, off to the hospital! (She ended up being just stressed, don’t worry.)
Meanwhile the Salvatore Bros’ subplot involved Stefan’s attempt to talk Damon out of becoming a human again. And to do that he took him to the suburbs and presented a master class in how horrible his life will surely become.
His biggest argument was that humanity is just a bunch of TV dinners and paperwork. (Because eating blood is better than Stouffer’s Mac and Cheese? DOUBT IT.) But when Damon expressed skepticism about all this, Stefan forced a bunch of imagery into his head!
First he tried to make Damon think that years down the road Elena would be too tired from doctoring to love him anymore and they will just spend their evenings getting drunk and doing paperwork.
Also there was a good chance she would die before him (presumably via supernatural grudge murder) and he’d have to live without her as a human drinking tons of alcohol and watching the Food Network until he dies from loneliness.
(I love how even hypothetical-rock-bottom Damon is blazingly attractive.) But one thing Stefan brought up that was legitimately convincing was that if word got around that the cure for vampirism was coursing through Elena’s veins, then an army of self-hating vampires would descend upon them and Damon would be unable to protect her. That is a very good argument! Also Stefan claimed that Damon and Elena would have to go so far off the grid that he’d never be able to hang out with them ever again. Not sure if that’s true at all, but whatever. Damon seemed to be changing his mind.
Also the suburbs were very noisy and it had tons of jerk children. Case closed.
Back at the Salvatore Manor, Bonnie and Matt realized they only had an hour until the wedding (problematic since Whitmore College was 2 hours away? Wait, was the wedding near Whitmore? And anyway, honest question to the writers and producers, have you had any regrets about establishing that Whitmore is 2 hours away from Mystic Falls? Seriously wondering!) But yeah, they had time to kill, so they decided to get a quick siesta.
Now, it was a little concerning that the dungeon chamber Lily Salvatore used to be in was now empty with the door ajar. But you know how it is, sometimes when the late afternoon sleepies come on you just gotta give in.
But then look who was at Mystic Grill:
Lily was out and about and hanging around with European vampires! This was not a good thing. Who let her out? What was going on? Probably nobody and nothing, don’t worry about it.
Jo had been openly worrying about whether her weird jerk dad would show up to her wedding, but spoiler alert, HE DID.
I F*cked Ted Beneke seemed pretty happy to see his daughter. It was all very heartwarming.
Slightly less heartwarming was this reunion scene between Caroline and Stefan. She’d been avoiding him ever since their bed and breakfast incident, so there was a lot of air to clear. But just when it felt like the scene was heading somewhere heartwarming and romantic, Stefan got slightly self-righteous and tried to lecture Caroline about how she needed to “let go” if she was going to love him and she was like, “Uh no thanks for the mansplanation, dude.”
So yeah, she walked off and their relationship problems remain unresolved. I am really hoping this pays off in some kind of big gesture next week (future discussion: Will Caroline be basically the new leading lady of the show next season?) because I’m rooting for these guys. But in this scenario I think Caroline was right. Caroline is usually right, but especially here. I truly don’t think ANYBODY needs to change who they are just to be in a relationship, so it was weird for Stefan to insist that she stop being so uptight and controlled. Accept her or don’t, dude.
This was cute:
Just when it looked like Damon had decided to give up the idea of becoming human he saw a charming elderly couple bicker and then hug and he immediately saw that he wanted to grow old with someone. Elena still had concerns, but he convinced her that taking the risk of being human—even if their relationship didn’t work out, or she accidentally got murdered in a supernatural grudge murder—it was still worth a shot. That was the right thing to say because the next thing we knew they were having sex in the hay about thirteen feet away from where all the wedding guests were sitting.
You know, this LOOKS romantic until you realize how uncomfortable hay feels when it gets all up in your junk. Still though: Delena was still on. FOR NOW.
Kinda spooky: Enzo reluctantly hung around with Lily while she was yammering about how she had to meet up with her friends. She didn’t outright say who’d let her out of jail, but the fact that Bonnie had woken up from her nap bleeding meant that there was some definite Ascendant action going on. Anyway, that was all buildup to the episode’s final shocking moments… The barn wedding!
So much for Kai having a conscience! He was back and he was stabby and he fried everybody’s brains and broke all the windows!
And worst of all, Elena passed out drunk!
And that’s how the episode ended. Just a very sad and unpleasant ending. Now, maybe Jo and her babies will survive, who knows. But man, I was NOT expecting that. If I’m being honest I truly thought Tyler would bite it considering all the screentime he’d been given. I never imagined that a pregnant lady would get stabbed in the stomach on her wedding day. That’s dark, even for this show. As for Kai, he’s still amazing (and getting uncomfortably cuter every episode) but I think it’s clear by now that maybe Bonnie shouldn’t have trapped him in that 1903 prison. Failure is nothing new for Bonnie—not even for Awesome Bonnie of Season 6—but he’d been developing into a nice person! Only now he’d spent some quality time with evil witch vampires and nursed a grudge for months. But yeah, as horrible as what he did to Jo was, we can at least appreciate that he made one of the best villain appearances in the show’s history. Next week should be very intense!
Overall opinion of Episode
Overall it was a good episode. great onscreen performances and writing. Also the Cliff hanger was excellent to keep me engaged and anticpating next week. However my week was kinda ruined by the Jo bit. Who stabs a girl on her wedding day? thats just pure evil. But I still love Kai and I’m glad he is back in Mystic Falls, just no stabbing you sister Kai. For that reason I”m going to score it a 7.5 out of 10, along with the fact that I’m still holding out hope that Klaus will return. I mean Elena is Human now. Human + Doppelganger = new hybrid factory. I know he is busy in New Orleans but seriously one episode can’t hurt am I right?
it wouldn’t be TVD if it didn’t leave me with burning questions as I am sure you are too so lets get the ball rolling shall we.
… Under what circumstances will Elena leave the show?
I think she will either leave town with Alaric and Jo. or she will die as a human to defend Damon.
... Who will defeat Kai?
Bonnie will get some revenge, or possible the vampire heratics will turn on him
… Will Damon become human?
Nope there is no way on earth Damon will become human. He loves his life as a vampire too much to go through with the change.
… Exactly what kind of “business” is being conducted in the Business District?
I have no idea probably secret supernatural business. Even Vampires need to earn a living too.